Eddie’s Excuses

One of the most fun things about my Swedish Death Cleaning project right now, is finding files of things my former English students have written. Some of my biggest problem students were also endearing and one of those was Eddie K. He hid the fact he couldn’t read by acting out in class and he often arrived way after the bell rang. One thing about Eddie, though, was that he always came with a written excuse. One that he wrote. They were hilarious, so I saved them.

“Dear Teacher,

It is alright if Eddie is late because he has to take 2ice as many steps to get to a class.

Sincerely,

Eddie’s mother”

(As you can figure out, Eddie was rather short.)

“After PE Eddie was taking a shower he sliped and got washed down the drain we just got him out.

–Al G”

(Al Goertzen was his PE teacher)

“Dear Mis Keltz

I think Eddie’s actions should be eggnored because he gots this disease that cramp his finger joints and he canot hold a pencil and if you make him do work we will have to cut his hands off. OK

Signed Eddie’s mother”

“Dear Keltz

Eddie dosent have to do any work today because when we seen his difeshinse slipe we hit him so hard we recked his brain.

Signed Eddie’s mother”

“Ms. Kelts

Inbetween Eddie’s hourly beating he was going to the bathroom to throw up when he sliped and fell he hit his head on the streaching rack and got amnesia I’m sory he wont be able to do any work today

Sincerely,

Eddie’s frinds, cousins, uncle’s dauters, mother”

Eddie’s life wasn’t easy after school and he died an early death. I tried to get him sent to a class more in line with his skills so he could improve, but he wouldn’t transfer. I wasn’t much help to him because I didn’t know how to teach basic skills. He knew that I enjoyed these excuses, even though they got him nowhere and he still had to suffer the consequences of his behavior. I’m glad I was kind.